Hmmmmph

So were going on month 3 of abstaining from sex; I must admit I've had my share of temptation, it hasn't been easy. Its been cool though, I still havent found a work around in being abstinent & getting my rocks off other than throwing em myself. Lol well what can I say its yhe truth. I never understood how talking about my sexuality could make another chick uncomfortable, but for some reason it does at times when im on stage. You get the funny looking sexually depressed ass Biatches sitting front & center just looking as stank, confused & pissed cause they dont know what the hell im saying, cause "They cant tell they cooch from a hole in the wall" (Poetic Justice). My vagina is an active, living, functioning part of me just like all my other parts; Just like I learned to use my other body parts, I got to a point where I realized I wasn't fully functioning in the sense I neglected the one part of me that made me a woman. Apparently no man or woman should solely make you feel like something you should already feel like anyways. You have to want to feel like a woman or a man if you dont then depending on or waitinf on someone else to make you feel like one will get you no where 9 times out of 10; Even if your that 1 out of 10 you still lose cause if you were truly happy you would know that "true happiness" starts with yourself. I started having sex @ 17 & I couldn't figure out what all the "Hoop La" was about for years. Felattio was a requirement is all im saying I wanted to make sure "I got mines". But its been a journey & if you stick around for the next couple of post & actually start posting more comments & questions than i'll slowly for surely give you da skinny on what led me to da "Big O" & hopefully my experience can lead you there.. Good Night..Love.Mobetta-"Everybody can be"

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A.T.I.M.-Wheeew! Its been a Journey

FbWheeeew! Its going on 2 months since i've been abstaining from sex & its been a journey. You'd be surprised at the variety of how many nice,sincere, outgoing,sexy or straight whacko men I've met since then. Lets just say, telling em Im A.T.I.M. Off top. The one's that get me a little like WTF? Are the one's hitting you an Hour after giving them your number & it makes you do a double take around to see if they watching you in the club somewhere. Cause now you have this expression on your face of concern as to WTF was I thinking to give em my number. Which I realize at times we do that sub-consciously without realizing it give guys our number so they can leave us da hell alone. Its kind of like im in a great mood not even his flamboyant tendencies gone throw me off, I kind of liked the first thing he told me was I was fierce, I could use a new gay best friend heres ny number. Than he invited me to come over & chill for tonight than I was lost for a second cuz I was like that either makes him BI, undercover or confused. Yea I know ladies we've all been there. I have to go, I know I havent been blogging as much. But thats just how hard I've been grinding come check me & Comedians Ginori J,Reece Da Beast, June Bug, Big Ced,Keith & Upgrade out @ Nine72 Lounge every Thursday @1030pm its free prior to show beginning & its free beer and BYOB (Bring yo own Bottle)...

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A.T.I.M.-How do you feel?

I want you all to comment on all you've read thus far before I continue you on with what I'm doing. I dont to much care how you feel about what I do, but I do care that you do feel. I'm a sweetheart & Bia Bia all in one sentence. Hey I just keep it funky..lol

A.T.I.M.-"Nobody has to know".

Life's been great these past few weeks, been making all the right moves and deciding to be A.T.I.M. helps. It helps eliminate any one's pre-conceived notion of how far I would go to get to where I want to be & I have to admit many have tried in this past month. Had this one club owner tell me after I told him I was Abstinent til I Make It, "Well hell your here now,so you've made it", now how about some head?"No one has to know". I laughed & giggled it off while unlatching the safety on my mace and explained that "I would know, and the one thing Joanna MsMobetta Stephens don't do is go around falsifying". I wouldn't even feel right writing this blog encouraging other young men & women they could do the same if anything I was saying was further from the truth I know. That in return earned me his respect & that for me is the best thing to have for someone in the entertainment business because not only does that go a long ways, it fuels the fire for whats to come. He wasn't the first and he's sure not to be the last to laugh at what I'm hustling to accomplish here, but for now I'm preparing for the last laugh one sexless day at a time; Enjoying every bit of it. These high cheekbones, thick thighs, fine legs, pretty skin & sexy smile have a mind of there own & who's to blame a man,lesbian, or straight confused girl from trying. I've never thought it be this much fun being abstinent but when you allow yourself to be just that without worrying about how others see you sexually or any kind of way its very invigorating. I feel like a little girl all over again as though I reclaimed some part of my Innocence just for me and next time even after I make it, its gone be a climb to this cookie jar. They'd be lucky if they caught a whiff of it and let one brother holla let me just put the tip of it in I swear I'm calling the cops. Thats some backwards sideways rape talk when you just cant take no for an answer. If a man tells you that ladies, RUN!! Run as fast you can he has to be still talking to little girls with that line there. When are men going to realize we are some grown ass women out here, and if they dont know that its cause you aint showed them. Cause a picture is worth a thousand words; If you have showed them than just Run! Cause its not worth your energy to continue to show proof to a fool, cause they walk blindly. The goal ladies & gents for this year is just to practice what you preach, no more telling folks what it is. Now its time to get to showing them.

A.T.I.M.-"What's Love Got 2 Do With It?", "Somebody tell me, please?"

I came to an "Epiphany" as my girl Chrissette Michelle would say; That was I can't stand my "EX". For a while I thought it was about forgiveness & love; Than I had to ask myself what the hell does love got to do with it now; Hell I tried figuring out what it had to do with it then so that whatever it was holding it in tack I could take out back and pop a cap in its ass. Why cant I not like him, its easier for me to brush the people I don't like out of my mind so why wouldn't I want him on that list. There is no in between for me. When I care, I really care; When I don't give a damn, well that's just what I don't give, a damn! Yet, I'm still at peace, I actually fell into a deeper state of tranquility when I realized that I didn't have to like him still. All the good memories I had started falling back on themselves and bad started out weighing the good & I didn't want to see it, yea it was fun but nothing worth getting back in line for, not like Mr.Freeze at Six Flags or nothing. Its more like a ride on the bumper cars, ya just did it so you can remember what it was like when you were younger; In the end your grinning going cant believe my big/old ass went & got in one of them lil ass bumper cars and for what $4 Dollas. HA! Thats the Dallas Fair fo ya ass a feast of goodies amongst dissapointing rides you once enjoyed. (Hmmph) It's funny how others try to make it seem like the problem is/was you, when it's them all along. I've come too realize not every person deserves to have a good woman/man so why keep trying to divert someone from leaving. If he/she cant realize what they have and continue to take you for granted, than its time to run. There is a song by Kanye West-"Runaway", its a great listen. He's talking in 2nd person about the self sabotaging, selfish, egotistical bastard he's become or is and how this chick he's with should just run far away from him; Accepting & expressing out loud who he is and I appreciate that when it comes to music. I hate listening to a great song now & not sensing or feeling that vibe from the Producer,Artist, Songwriter hell whomever created the song. I love music that much that it breaks my heart every time I do, so I'm not much for certain artist anymore, because they just don't know how to keep it real. You think you understand, feel there heartache, pain, laughter, sexiness or gangsta then they go & behave complete opposite from what you thought and you lose interest quickly. Well that's just life when you think about. You meet someone , you both are feeling each other, grinning, smiling,whistling & singing the same tune. Than time goes by and it doesn't even seem like your tapping the same beat with your feet anymore, everything seems off rhythm cause one of yawll decided to switch up the tune & not tell the other. Turned the duet into a shady solo, with no answers whatsoever as to why. To quote my fav. TV Show Lyrics "Now the world don't move to the beat of just one drum, what might be right for you, may not be right for some; All I got to say for now is keep ya sticks to yaself cause this drum here I tap myself...Wait that didn't come out right...A.T.I.M. (Abstinence Til I Make It...It wont be long a sista got needs)

Evolution of Ms_Mobetta Pt.1

I would get so lost at times thinking about what I'd been through and the significance it's played on and in my life. Thinking well what if I would of done this differently or didn't say that what would of happen then. Thinking to myself maybe I would be in a better place physically, emotionally & mentally. When I'm really where I need to be. I was of sound mind, body and soul when I made those decisions and why shouldn't I live up to the outcome or result. My eyes are wide open & at times I'd doubt myself based off of someone elses twisted perception on how I should feel or what I should say, or how I should act; It's funny cause after a while when they hit a low and they needed me to be that person they intentionally "Hidden" within me that funny, outspoken, charismatic, liable to say anything person "I am", I couldn't because I allowed myself to build a wall around me. I lost me trying to help someone else find themself, I became a fragil mirrored image of who I use to be. I rembered this feeling, this unimaginable hurt,desolate pain,this heavy heart,tears that stain my eyes & face like acid rain. I remembered wanting someone to just hold me, wanting to just run to my father and cry in his arms & ask him to tell me that someone will love me as much as he did, but to ashamed to even admit it to myself much more cry on his shoulder about it. I remembered sitting in the dark wandering why am I here? I remembered the fear of sleeping alone.For I was weak at the time with a broken heart & no purpose , empty & lost as to what have I done to deserve to be treated this way & not having a dignified answer to even dull the pain, just a half assed bye with no explantion. There I was with the same hurt I possessed & condemned years ago to never touch again only to see it standing there in my face mocking me for thinking I could exscape its grasp. I stood there silent at first, in tears the next asking the same questions over again; Then I remembered from the time before, praying to God, asking him "To Strengthen my Heart,Mind,Body & Soul"? For am I weak and need your guidance to carry on because I gave so much for little in return my heart is broken but my "Faith" & "Trust" in you oh Lord is still in tact. It took me once experiencing the pain of heartbreak to know the cure was within me all along. Generally I'd allow myself the convenience of atleast moving on to another beau to occupy my time but I find it pointless in this instance because now I have a purpose to tend too. There's so much more to me than the eyes can see and I'm prepared more now than ever to show others what that is each day for the rest of my life. A.T.I.M Abstinence Til I Make It.

A.T.I.M.-No Regret's

I in no way hold any hostility toward any of my ex's or regret anything that I've been through; I think that by that its the best way of moving on. If your going to regret something than that means you were having doubts about it in the first place which means you werent doing it from the heart. Because if you were doing it from the heart there should be no regret & I dont do a thing with doubt myself especially when it comes to decisions that affect me personally. I might not be in a relationship right now but I do appreciate every moment I spent in one. Being in a relationship w/the man I was with taught me that I did have a purpose in life & there was nothing I couldn't do. Being with him made me realize anything is possible & nothing could stop me but me. I'm not going to lie its time's I miss him but than I realize that there's much more God has instore for me I wont waste my time contemplating on one of the things I want when Gods providing me with everything I need. So many doors opened up for me when I decided to let go it was kind of like well, what where you h9lding onto all along? I of course wished things could of went differently, but then again if Im going to believe God has a plan for my life "Why would I doubt this happening?" Its too much God's brought me through for me to allow this to stop me. Are you serious the rise of "Joanna Ms_Mobetta Stephens" being halted by another I think not, not even love has me that caught up. I'm looking forward to whatthe future holds for me but right now I'm just so caught up in enjoying the blessings of the present & accepting the turmoil that comes with it because I know "He want put more on me than I Can Bare" and I'm a strong woman who can handle it all. I'm living life with no regrets & no exscuses and I'm a better person for it, THank ou GOd. A.T.I.M. ABstinence TIl I Make It-And it wont be long cause a sista got needs ; )

A.T..I.M.--Three Letter Word-SEX

Sex to me is like an art or I speak about it as such. So I found it funny when one of my friends suggested that I do a blog or a video post on how to "Blow off your man" (Shocked look). First off I couldn't tell another woman how to satisfy her man without doing it first other than that I'm just giving baseless advice. I can tell a woman to go blow her man off but how its going to be done is left up to her, every woman should be an expert in pleasing not only just herself but also her man. If your not certain dont be afraid to ask "Do you like it when I do.....?" Or "How does it feel when I do that? Always remember that just because your last man allowed your fingers to roam freely on him that you wont get the taste slapped out your mouth by the next man if you get to close too his booty (lol). I'm just saying every man has there own preference just like us ladies. I love a man who smells good thats first & foremost than you throw that in with a fresh shave & cut (Screams) that just does something automatically for me. Or just a sexy inquisitive stare or glare from across the table, I love to flirt passively prior to the act. Not everyone has the gall to word play, not very well anyways. I find you have to be some what articulate *& capricious with words in order to pull it off. But when you get the right one you know cause you cant stop grinning, cant stop smiling & laughing because the thought of what you want to do to them & vice versa is tickling you so to where its almost unbareable; You love the feeling so much you dont even care if you all actually get it in or not hecause you dont want it to go away. (Sighs) Well I thoroughly enjoyed flirting with a cute neighbor of mines last night it was very tantalizing to say the least, we laughed & smiled so hard sitting across from each other smirking talking noise & playing dominoes. I got my ass whooped but we had a great time getting to know each other, allowing are immaculate flaws to shine through & enjoying every minute of them. I love being rawly open with someone & them being able to do the same its very warming to know your in a persons true company and not just a facade or character that there playing but being able to truly see them for who they are no apologies from either one of you, for what? Well I'll leave you with that thought I have a long day ahead of me A.T.I.M. Abstinence Til I Make It-A sista got needs so it wont be long..See yall later

A.T.I.M.-From my Heart 2 URs...

No one can love you the way that I loved you ever again. Another chick be that down for you like that without a motive? Ha! I'd like to see this. Why anyone with more sense than me would? I guess another chick with less sense than me could. It dont take long to recognize the game, especially the lame from the start. I allowed everything to happen to begin with "straight from the heart". I allowed the days although constant & at times lonely to go bye; Even with that neglect I chose to respect your "purpose" & what you did with your life. Thank God my life goes on & I grow stronger with each passing day. Although it was tough the road a bit rough, I still feel proud to say"I am so blessed" & "Who needs the stress"? Sorry, not even you can steal this JOY! Away.-Feeling My Swag A.T.I.M. Abstinence til I Make It. Trust that wont be long cause a sista got needs...; )

A.T.I.M Reasons 2 & 1

Damn I just got through watching "For Colored Girls". It was a great movie, I didn't cry or anything but I enjoyed the rawness of each character it was very refreshing to see some great acting. It was almost as though each actress held some kind of truth to there character. I'd like to end my top 5 reasons to be Abstinent Til I make it with 2 things I've learned alone to night just watching that movie; That's #2 "Nobody specially no man gonna walk away with all my stuff, cause with or without you I have plenty to give" & #1 "My love's to beautiful, powerful & precious to be thrown back in my face". I figured I'd sum it up to those words alone, people like to think its easier said then done, but how about you just stop saying & do. Maybe than life would start making more sense to you. Making a goal & going for it are two different things and when you take time out to drop all the other insignificant bull shit in your life it allows you to focus on what needs to be done. Thats why alot of people keep up and in drama because it allows for exscuse's to be made, it allows you the chance to point the finger at someone else; "Say that it's your fault I'm this person, this way". Scream at someone else for the decisions you've made. "Say its all because of you". "Your to blame". Get over it! Dont get left picking up the pieces all the time & putting them back together. Get a broom and sweep that shit out the door let it go. There's more to life than just enjoying sex. Life's all about enjoying all you've been blessed to get through not dragging around all you've gone through and using it as an exscuse to get by. Who care's? I realize now that I'm no longer capable to just be with anyone, its not possible with a love like mines. My love doesn't judge others or put them down intentionally. Its very unconditional & giving. Strong and tender. I could melt you with one simple glance, send you into a trance with one touch. Its time to learn to blossom on my own, no more sweet honey bee's plucking at my flower. Stealing away at my nectar & leaving me more empty than when they found me. No! I'm keeping me. Keeping me for myself, this beautiful, magnificient, audacious, fearless and outspoken woman here! Is mines! "Who's is this?" "Who's is this?" Its mine negro bye! (Slams Door & takes a bow)

Top 5 Reason I chose to be A.T.I.M. (Reason #3)

My top 5 reason #3 for choosing to be Abstinent till I make it is "Peace", theres so much drama & uneccesary energy that can come from relationships and being at "Peace is more valuable to me than sex on a regular. This time that I've allotted myself for this adventure gives me the mental, spiritual & physical space to prepare myself for something much greater than I've had before in life, love & sex. Its a sacrifice I'm more than willing to make it happen, I mean it really wasn't something I had to think about it was more of just a choice that I chose to stick with; Why Not? If your worth my time, than Im worth the wait! I'm a woman who's come a long way & just had to take a moment to sit back & recognize and appreciate my own self worth; I must say its been an interesting journey thus far. One to many times before I allowed my happiness & elevation within myself to be deterred by outside commotion with a significant other or people in general and I refuse to allow that to continue on. I'm taking back charge of my life and embracing change as best as I can. I'm not perfect and this mission that I've set infront of myself is more of a test of what all can be accomplished by having Faith and pouring all my energy into my purpose, so I can to one day have a testimony worth mentioning & mentoring with. I believe that we all have a choice & nobody can stop you but you from what is for you. It all starts with having "Equanimity" & that means "Being able to stand in the midst of it all & still having peace within yourself". Well I hope my reasons thus far & my brief moments of wisdom will bring you back for reason Number 2 it gets juicier...

Top 5 Reason I choose to be A.T.I.M. (Reason #4)

I'm sorry Im posting so late for day 2, my sincerest apologies. But I had such a wonderful day, started with work went to work, came home took a nap, got up & networked & worked the shit out of this lounge I went to perform in North East Dallas near 35 & Walnut hill called the Nine 72 Lounge; Had a damn ball talk about not wanting to go home, been there since 8pm its going on 1:30 in the morning and I'm just getting back in. We had a great time theres not to many black comedy clubs in Dallas that are that open & humble, I loved the vibe first time I ever performed in an all Black Club. Felt like home, now mind you it was some white folks in the crowd which made it much diverse and made them super comfortable to just laugh and enjoy themselves, it was mad cool. I've never smiled that hard just enjoying myself around a group of some of the coolest, realest, down to earth folks I met. A white comedian by the name Michael O'Donnell came out & performed got away with some real sh*t, met alot of great talent I never knew was in Dallas like Ginori James he's hilarious (I'll come back and re-mention there name they got to contemplate hitting the accept friend confirm button on Face book 1st so I can remember I was feeling good they got free drinks with $10 admission) Any who number 4 on my list is "Passion". "Passion" because I'm a very passionate person period, when it comes to life, love & wrapped that around sex & I'm a beast LOL : ).. Not to brag but its very hard to catch me down even if I'm minus the feeling of all 3 I'm still going to find something to chuckle or LMBAO (Laugh my black ass off to for the non texting ass mutha jumpas) I cant help but smile & that might make me crazy nearly pissing on myself from laughter at a funeral cause the preacher get up there comparing Jesus to grape kool-aid but thats me. Who says I cant laugh at bad ass little kid falling down & say I cant think to myself :"Hmmph! Thats what they bad ass get! (Shaking my head grinning) Irreguardless how you feel about it I'm going to do me. "Passion" Makes me feel the same way about comedy so Iwant to focus all that energy into being me without wasting an ounce of it and who knows when I make it I can probably bust my abstinence bubble with .Obama...LOL Nawll Michelle would TMBAO (Take My Black Ass Out).

Top 5 Reasons I chose to be A.T.I.M. (#5 Reason)

Day one of the "Top 5 Reasons I chose to be A.T.I.M." and although number 5 on my list doesn't make it any less unsubstantial or of lesser importance just means it found its way to the bottom of my list one way or another. Number 5 on my list is "Hurt". I know who would of thunk it?!? Joanna Ms_Mobetta Stephens Hurt? Unbelievable! Unfortunately no matter how many times I try not to believe it, its true I'm human too. I've never been the one to go through the same pain more than once without having a lesson or two learned & what I want to avoid is going through the same cycle I went through previously before (As described in my other blog Foolish Heart). It's easy to get caught up in the day to day of monogamous relationships to the point of when you dont have them anymore to feel the need to relinquish some of that pent up desire you once shared for that love you desperately wish to hold onto & let go of at the same time; I know how it feels to be denied what you long for and the undeniable trap one sets for self to rid themselves of pain & I'm here to tell you its not a journey thats worth while. "Hurt" Plays a major part in the decisions we make in & out of our personal lives right down to taking care of business, the amount of trust we place in others and how we aknowledge and accept what they bring to our lives has to do with some kind of slight or hurt we've dealt with, experienced, witnessed & some what if not come to terms to in our own lives at one point in time. "Hurt" doesn't neccesarily have to happen directly towards you, for you to have had learned a lesson. Think about all the stories you've heard over the years & how many "I wouldn't dare do that" you've expressed unto others just off of clear warnings of others mistakes. Well I'm here to tell you I've made them in the past time & time again; I'm far from a "Harlotte" or a so called "Hoe". I just think as a woman & not falling under the non-existent perfect category we've all made a mistake here or there & factoring out the aspect of which part of your life it was in doesn't necessarily make a difference. All I know is the last time I was "Hurt" this bad in love is I allowed myself to shut down my heart to others & use them for less than what I was willing to offer at one point in time in my life. I was outgoing, brutally honest, closed in at times but safe.Okay! You are looking at a sister who hasn't had one STD, Abortion or child since she's been put on God's green earth, Okay! The one thing I can stress & preach is condoms if your not in a monogamous relationship & your not ready to have kids better to be safe than sorry because its worst things then babies out there I'm just saying what the pill going to do. Had an old friend of mines back in the day when I was younger call me estatic! "Girl I just came from the doctor thought I was pregnant, but I'm not". "Okay well whatsup?" Girl thought I was pregnant but I just have syphillis,so I just got a shot & a prescription!" (Pause, Scrunches up face & slowly says) "Okay, Coooooon-Gratttt-ulatttion". I'm just saying no one person should have 1 std in there life thats just disgusting if you didnt learn from the first time around, learn your worth, Hell! I Knew mine just from listening to that story at the age of 17. That "Hurt" me listening to that story enough to know I didnt want to experience it ever. Now the "Hurt" I'm sharing with you is that of a mending heart and what I'm telling you from experience is its best to allow it to do just that especially when there is a purpose or goal in mind thats greater than that particular aspect of your life. I've decided to take the time out & pursue bigger & better things then my sex life & my relationship status, maybe "Abstinence Til I Make It" is for you to or maybe it isnt the choice is all yours, but all I can do is follow whats best for me. So check back in tomorrow for Number 4 it'll blow your mind. Til then ladies Good Night & Close ya legs for goodness sakes..lol

Foundation of A.T.I.M.

Loving life and living it with a purpose in mind is much more important to me right now than having sex. This journey was brought about from a recent situation I was in with a now ex-boyfriend of mines. I'm such an open book when it comes to my past sexual experiences and about talking about sex in general that it scared him; Made him believe after a while I was just this sexual deviant who had to have it all the time and in his mind I couldnt be trusted. He focused so much on that aspect of my life he forgot to see me for everything else "I Am" Intelligent, Sassy, Philisophical, Spiritual, Outgoing & Funny. I started to re-treat into my shell and not be so passionate about life feeling as though my sexuality and exuberance about myself was bad and who am I to walk around and feel as though I'm all that. My stage presence comes from the Passion of being myself so locking that part of me away became a henderance to my performance and it took me some time apart from him & the stage to realize how the two coincided and now I'm back on track. Abstince Til I Make It is a goal within itself to being just as aggresive, elusive, extraordinary and open with pursuing comedy as I was able to do with sex all those years. Being able to take the time to share other parts of me & maintaining my sanity in doing so because sex in my case brings on to much confusion; I'll be damned if anyone says I slept my way to the top, I much radther find my way there first..LOL! This is going to be a journey but I'm more than willing to keep you all up to date on the way there . Because this here girl loves to flirt & I'm not one to bite my tongue so sit back relax & enjoy the ride. Til Next Time Close ya legs ladies...