Evolution of Ms_Mobetta Pt.1

I would get so lost at times thinking about what I'd been through and the significance it's played on and in my life. Thinking well what if I would of done this differently or didn't say that what would of happen then. Thinking to myself maybe I would be in a better place physically, emotionally & mentally. When I'm really where I need to be. I was of sound mind, body and soul when I made those decisions and why shouldn't I live up to the outcome or result. My eyes are wide open & at times I'd doubt myself based off of someone elses twisted perception on how I should feel or what I should say, or how I should act; It's funny cause after a while when they hit a low and they needed me to be that person they intentionally "Hidden" within me that funny, outspoken, charismatic, liable to say anything person "I am", I couldn't because I allowed myself to build a wall around me. I lost me trying to help someone else find themself, I became a fragil mirrored image of who I use to be. I rembered this feeling, this unimaginable hurt,desolate pain,this heavy heart,tears that stain my eyes & face like acid rain. I remembered wanting someone to just hold me, wanting to just run to my father and cry in his arms & ask him to tell me that someone will love me as much as he did, but to ashamed to even admit it to myself much more cry on his shoulder about it. I remembered sitting in the dark wandering why am I here? I remembered the fear of sleeping alone.For I was weak at the time with a broken heart & no purpose , empty & lost as to what have I done to deserve to be treated this way & not having a dignified answer to even dull the pain, just a half assed bye with no explantion. There I was with the same hurt I possessed & condemned years ago to never touch again only to see it standing there in my face mocking me for thinking I could exscape its grasp. I stood there silent at first, in tears the next asking the same questions over again; Then I remembered from the time before, praying to God, asking him "To Strengthen my Heart,Mind,Body & Soul"? For am I weak and need your guidance to carry on because I gave so much for little in return my heart is broken but my "Faith" & "Trust" in you oh Lord is still in tact. It took me once experiencing the pain of heartbreak to know the cure was within me all along. Generally I'd allow myself the convenience of atleast moving on to another beau to occupy my time but I find it pointless in this instance because now I have a purpose to tend too. There's so much more to me than the eyes can see and I'm prepared more now than ever to show others what that is each day for the rest of my life. A.T.I.M Abstinence Til I Make It.