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Hmmmmph

So were going on month 3 of abstaining from sex; I must admit I've had my share of temptation, it hasn't been easy. Its been cool though, I still havent found a work around in being abstinent & getting my rocks off other than throwing em myself. Lol well what can I say its yhe truth. I never understood how talking about my sexuality could make another chick uncomfortable, but for some reason it does at times when im on stage. You get the funny looking sexually depressed ass Biatches sitting front & center just looking as stank, confused & pissed cause they dont know what the hell im saying, cause "They cant tell they cooch from a hole in the wall" (Poetic Justice). My vagina is an active, living, functioning part of me just like all my other parts; Just like I learned to use my other body parts, I got to a point where I realized I wasn't fully functioning in the sense I neglected the one part of me that made me a woman. Apparently no man or woman should solely make you feel like something you should already feel like anyways. You have to want to feel like a woman or a man if you dont then depending on or waitinf on someone else to make you feel like one will get you no where 9 times out of 10; Even if your that 1 out of 10 you still lose cause if you were truly happy you would know that "true happiness" starts with yourself. I started having sex @ 17 & I couldn't figure out what all the "Hoop La" was about for years. Felattio was a requirement is all im saying I wanted to make sure "I got mines". But its been a journey & if you stick around for the next couple of post & actually start posting more comments & questions than i'll slowly for surely give you da skinny on what led me to da "Big O" & hopefully my experience can lead you there.. Good Night..Love.Mobetta-"Everybody can be"

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A.T.I.M.-Wheeew! Its been a Journey

FbWheeeew! Its going on 2 months since i've been abstaining from sex & its been a journey. You'd be surprised at the variety of how many nice,sincere, outgoing,sexy or straight whacko men I've met since then. Lets just say, telling em Im A.T.I.M. Off top. The one's that get me a little like WTF? Are the one's hitting you an Hour after giving them your number & it makes you do a double take around to see if they watching you in the club somewhere. Cause now you have this expression on your face of concern as to WTF was I thinking to give em my number. Which I realize at times we do that sub-consciously without realizing it give guys our number so they can leave us da hell alone. Its kind of like im in a great mood not even his flamboyant tendencies gone throw me off, I kind of liked the first thing he told me was I was fierce, I could use a new gay best friend heres ny number. Than he invited me to come over & chill for tonight than I was lost for a second cuz I was like that either makes him BI, undercover or confused. Yea I know ladies we've all been there. I have to go, I know I havent been blogging as much. But thats just how hard I've been grinding come check me & Comedians Ginori J,Reece Da Beast, June Bug, Big Ced,Keith & Upgrade out @ Nine72 Lounge every Thursday @1030pm its free prior to show beginning & its free beer and BYOB (Bring yo own Bottle)...

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A.T.I.M.-How do you feel?

I want you all to comment on all you've read thus far before I continue you on with what I'm doing. I dont to much care how you feel about what I do, but I do care that you do feel. I'm a sweetheart & Bia Bia all in one sentence. Hey I just keep it funky..lol

A.T.I.M.-"Nobody has to know".

Life's been great these past few weeks, been making all the right moves and deciding to be A.T.I.M. helps. It helps eliminate any one's pre-conceived notion of how far I would go to get to where I want to be & I have to admit many have tried in this past month. Had this one club owner tell me after I told him I was Abstinent til I Make It, "Well hell your here now,so you've made it", now how about some head?"No one has to know". I laughed & giggled it off while unlatching the safety on my mace and explained that "I would know, and the one thing Joanna MsMobetta Stephens don't do is go around falsifying". I wouldn't even feel right writing this blog encouraging other young men & women they could do the same if anything I was saying was further from the truth I know. That in return earned me his respect & that for me is the best thing to have for someone in the entertainment business because not only does that go a long ways, it fuels the fire for whats to come. He wasn't the first and he's sure not to be the last to laugh at what I'm hustling to accomplish here, but for now I'm preparing for the last laugh one sexless day at a time; Enjoying every bit of it. These high cheekbones, thick thighs, fine legs, pretty skin & sexy smile have a mind of there own & who's to blame a man,lesbian, or straight confused girl from trying. I've never thought it be this much fun being abstinent but when you allow yourself to be just that without worrying about how others see you sexually or any kind of way its very invigorating. I feel like a little girl all over again as though I reclaimed some part of my Innocence just for me and next time even after I make it, its gone be a climb to this cookie jar. They'd be lucky if they caught a whiff of it and let one brother holla let me just put the tip of it in I swear I'm calling the cops. Thats some backwards sideways rape talk when you just cant take no for an answer. If a man tells you that ladies, RUN!! Run as fast you can he has to be still talking to little girls with that line there. When are men going to realize we are some grown ass women out here, and if they dont know that its cause you aint showed them. Cause a picture is worth a thousand words; If you have showed them than just Run! Cause its not worth your energy to continue to show proof to a fool, cause they walk blindly. The goal ladies & gents for this year is just to practice what you preach, no more telling folks what it is. Now its time to get to showing them.

A.T.I.M.-"What's Love Got 2 Do With It?", "Somebody tell me, please?"

I came to an "Epiphany" as my girl Chrissette Michelle would say; That was I can't stand my "EX". For a while I thought it was about forgiveness & love; Than I had to ask myself what the hell does love got to do with it now; Hell I tried figuring out what it had to do with it then so that whatever it was holding it in tack I could take out back and pop a cap in its ass. Why cant I not like him, its easier for me to brush the people I don't like out of my mind so why wouldn't I want him on that list. There is no in between for me. When I care, I really care; When I don't give a damn, well that's just what I don't give, a damn! Yet, I'm still at peace, I actually fell into a deeper state of tranquility when I realized that I didn't have to like him still. All the good memories I had started falling back on themselves and bad started out weighing the good & I didn't want to see it, yea it was fun but nothing worth getting back in line for, not like Mr.Freeze at Six Flags or nothing. Its more like a ride on the bumper cars, ya just did it so you can remember what it was like when you were younger; In the end your grinning going cant believe my big/old ass went & got in one of them lil ass bumper cars and for what $4 Dollas. HA! Thats the Dallas Fair fo ya ass a feast of goodies amongst dissapointing rides you once enjoyed. (Hmmph) It's funny how others try to make it seem like the problem is/was you, when it's them all along. I've come too realize not every person deserves to have a good woman/man so why keep trying to divert someone from leaving. If he/she cant realize what they have and continue to take you for granted, than its time to run. There is a song by Kanye West-"Runaway", its a great listen. He's talking in 2nd person about the self sabotaging, selfish, egotistical bastard he's become or is and how this chick he's with should just run far away from him; Accepting & expressing out loud who he is and I appreciate that when it comes to music. I hate listening to a great song now & not sensing or feeling that vibe from the Producer,Artist, Songwriter hell whomever created the song. I love music that much that it breaks my heart every time I do, so I'm not much for certain artist anymore, because they just don't know how to keep it real. You think you understand, feel there heartache, pain, laughter, sexiness or gangsta then they go & behave complete opposite from what you thought and you lose interest quickly. Well that's just life when you think about. You meet someone , you both are feeling each other, grinning, smiling,whistling & singing the same tune. Than time goes by and it doesn't even seem like your tapping the same beat with your feet anymore, everything seems off rhythm cause one of yawll decided to switch up the tune & not tell the other. Turned the duet into a shady solo, with no answers whatsoever as to why. To quote my fav. TV Show Lyrics "Now the world don't move to the beat of just one drum, what might be right for you, may not be right for some; All I got to say for now is keep ya sticks to yaself cause this drum here I tap myself...Wait that didn't come out right...A.T.I.M. (Abstinence Til I Make It...It wont be long a sista got needs)

Evolution of Ms_Mobetta Pt.1

I would get so lost at times thinking about what I'd been through and the significance it's played on and in my life. Thinking well what if I would of done this differently or didn't say that what would of happen then. Thinking to myself maybe I would be in a better place physically, emotionally & mentally. When I'm really where I need to be. I was of sound mind, body and soul when I made those decisions and why shouldn't I live up to the outcome or result. My eyes are wide open & at times I'd doubt myself based off of someone elses twisted perception on how I should feel or what I should say, or how I should act; It's funny cause after a while when they hit a low and they needed me to be that person they intentionally "Hidden" within me that funny, outspoken, charismatic, liable to say anything person "I am", I couldn't because I allowed myself to build a wall around me. I lost me trying to help someone else find themself, I became a fragil mirrored image of who I use to be. I rembered this feeling, this unimaginable hurt,desolate pain,this heavy heart,tears that stain my eyes & face like acid rain. I remembered wanting someone to just hold me, wanting to just run to my father and cry in his arms & ask him to tell me that someone will love me as much as he did, but to ashamed to even admit it to myself much more cry on his shoulder about it. I remembered sitting in the dark wandering why am I here? I remembered the fear of sleeping alone.For I was weak at the time with a broken heart & no purpose , empty & lost as to what have I done to deserve to be treated this way & not having a dignified answer to even dull the pain, just a half assed bye with no explantion. There I was with the same hurt I possessed & condemned years ago to never touch again only to see it standing there in my face mocking me for thinking I could exscape its grasp. I stood there silent at first, in tears the next asking the same questions over again; Then I remembered from the time before, praying to God, asking him "To Strengthen my Heart,Mind,Body & Soul"? For am I weak and need your guidance to carry on because I gave so much for little in return my heart is broken but my "Faith" & "Trust" in you oh Lord is still in tact. It took me once experiencing the pain of heartbreak to know the cure was within me all along. Generally I'd allow myself the convenience of atleast moving on to another beau to occupy my time but I find it pointless in this instance because now I have a purpose to tend too. There's so much more to me than the eyes can see and I'm prepared more now than ever to show others what that is each day for the rest of my life. A.T.I.M Abstinence Til I Make It.