Top 5 Reasons I chose to be A.T.I.M. (#5 Reason)

Day one of the "Top 5 Reasons I chose to be A.T.I.M." and although number 5 on my list doesn't make it any less unsubstantial or of lesser importance just means it found its way to the bottom of my list one way or another. Number 5 on my list is "Hurt". I know who would of thunk it?!? Joanna Ms_Mobetta Stephens Hurt? Unbelievable! Unfortunately no matter how many times I try not to believe it, its true I'm human too. I've never been the one to go through the same pain more than once without having a lesson or two learned & what I want to avoid is going through the same cycle I went through previously before (As described in my other blog Foolish Heart). It's easy to get caught up in the day to day of monogamous relationships to the point of when you dont have them anymore to feel the need to relinquish some of that pent up desire you once shared for that love you desperately wish to hold onto & let go of at the same time; I know how it feels to be denied what you long for and the undeniable trap one sets for self to rid themselves of pain & I'm here to tell you its not a journey thats worth while. "Hurt" Plays a major part in the decisions we make in & out of our personal lives right down to taking care of business, the amount of trust we place in others and how we aknowledge and accept what they bring to our lives has to do with some kind of slight or hurt we've dealt with, experienced, witnessed & some what if not come to terms to in our own lives at one point in time. "Hurt" doesn't neccesarily have to happen directly towards you, for you to have had learned a lesson. Think about all the stories you've heard over the years & how many "I wouldn't dare do that" you've expressed unto others just off of clear warnings of others mistakes. Well I'm here to tell you I've made them in the past time & time again; I'm far from a "Harlotte" or a so called "Hoe". I just think as a woman & not falling under the non-existent perfect category we've all made a mistake here or there & factoring out the aspect of which part of your life it was in doesn't necessarily make a difference. All I know is the last time I was "Hurt" this bad in love is I allowed myself to shut down my heart to others & use them for less than what I was willing to offer at one point in time in my life. I was outgoing, brutally honest, closed in at times but safe.Okay! You are looking at a sister who hasn't had one STD, Abortion or child since she's been put on God's green earth, Okay! The one thing I can stress & preach is condoms if your not in a monogamous relationship & your not ready to have kids better to be safe than sorry because its worst things then babies out there I'm just saying what the pill going to do. Had an old friend of mines back in the day when I was younger call me estatic! "Girl I just came from the doctor thought I was pregnant, but I'm not". "Okay well whatsup?" Girl thought I was pregnant but I just have syphillis,so I just got a shot & a prescription!" (Pause, Scrunches up face & slowly says) "Okay, Coooooon-Gratttt-ulatttion". I'm just saying no one person should have 1 std in there life thats just disgusting if you didnt learn from the first time around, learn your worth, Hell! I Knew mine just from listening to that story at the age of 17. That "Hurt" me listening to that story enough to know I didnt want to experience it ever. Now the "Hurt" I'm sharing with you is that of a mending heart and what I'm telling you from experience is its best to allow it to do just that especially when there is a purpose or goal in mind thats greater than that particular aspect of your life. I've decided to take the time out & pursue bigger & better things then my sex life & my relationship status, maybe "Abstinence Til I Make It" is for you to or maybe it isnt the choice is all yours, but all I can do is follow whats best for me. So check back in tomorrow for Number 4 it'll blow your mind. Til then ladies Good Night & Close ya legs for goodness sakes..lol

Foundation of A.T.I.M.

Loving life and living it with a purpose in mind is much more important to me right now than having sex. This journey was brought about from a recent situation I was in with a now ex-boyfriend of mines. I'm such an open book when it comes to my past sexual experiences and about talking about sex in general that it scared him; Made him believe after a while I was just this sexual deviant who had to have it all the time and in his mind I couldnt be trusted. He focused so much on that aspect of my life he forgot to see me for everything else "I Am" Intelligent, Sassy, Philisophical, Spiritual, Outgoing & Funny. I started to re-treat into my shell and not be so passionate about life feeling as though my sexuality and exuberance about myself was bad and who am I to walk around and feel as though I'm all that. My stage presence comes from the Passion of being myself so locking that part of me away became a henderance to my performance and it took me some time apart from him & the stage to realize how the two coincided and now I'm back on track. Abstince Til I Make It is a goal within itself to being just as aggresive, elusive, extraordinary and open with pursuing comedy as I was able to do with sex all those years. Being able to take the time to share other parts of me & maintaining my sanity in doing so because sex in my case brings on to much confusion; I'll be damned if anyone says I slept my way to the top, I much radther find my way there first..LOL! This is going to be a journey but I'm more than willing to keep you all up to date on the way there . Because this here girl loves to flirt & I'm not one to bite my tongue so sit back relax & enjoy the ride. Til Next Time Close ya legs ladies...